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Satanic Inversion
#################
:date: 2019-05-07T00:05:21
:status: draft
:category: faith
:tags: review, HarryPotter, blogComment
(my comments on “Fate_” by TheTrueSpartan)
.. _Fate:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13170637
.. FIXME Very much draft, just stored comments from FF.net.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13170637/
Hello mcepl,
*What can I do, when your Ron is just such a j*** I cannot stand him any more?
I think that's a fair opinion to have, Ron is not a perfect
person. And he can be a j***, that's how I've written him.
I don't like perfect characters, and I don't want Ron being
perfect because that's just not who he is. But if you want to
specify what you don't like about him, I'd be happy to discuss
this further. And having another character be your favorite in
this story is 100% fine. I always planned this story to be like
that, with a wide range of characters with varying personalities
and traits.
Best Regards,
TheTrueSpartan
May 5I think my true problem is that this feels very much like
one of those characters who behave like idiots (here keeping too
many secrets) to save author's plot (famous example from JKR's
books are chapters 17 and 18 in PoA, where for never explained
reason Sirius and Remus talk only using pronouns just to keep the
tension about the Scabbers' identity, or Remus who after living
for tens of years as a werewolf suddenly forgets it is a full
moon night). Yes, I know he is just thirteen, but he is not
traumatised like Harry so he should be able to share secret with
somebody (Daphne?). "I just know a bit about future (after all
Divination is not unknown trait in the magical world), and it
freaks me out. Could you help me?" And so what? No, he has to
keep it all down just to keep your plot going on. May 5Hello
mcepl,
* Yes, I know he is just thirteen, but he is not traumatised like
Harry so he should be able to share secret with somebody
(Daphne?)
Not traumatized like Harry? Ron is far more traumatized in this
story, especially with some of the things that the Entity has
done to him. And it has done those things to keep Ron from
changing certain things that need to happen, which It will
actually explain a little later. Ron's entire body is covered
with scars, his body was shattered and he went through the pain
of it, he suffers from a very real condition that can potentially
kill you at a young age, his injury gave him actual brain damage,
he has Voldemort's soul shard in him, the soul shard also affects
him like it affected Harry later on when he was stressed, and he
has seen his loved ones die right in front of him. Not as a baby
like Harry did, but as a fully aware person who can understand
death. Sure, it's only been in visions. But those visions are an
oncoming reality to Ron. Also, Ron's possessed little sister beat
him senseless and then petrified him.
"I just know a bit about future (after all Divination is not
unknown trait in the magical world), and it freaks me out.
Could you help me?" And so what? No, he has to keep it all
down just to keep your plot going on.
Okay, he tells Daphne that he knows a bit about the future. And
then she'll start asking questions, because that's who she is.
She won't just stop because Ron makes up a lie like Divination,
because Divination magic, although well known, is considered
eye-roll material even in the wizarding world. McGonagall herself
makes fun of it in front of Harry. Even Dumbledore only made
Divination a class because he wanted to protect the woman who
made the Prophecy about the Dark Lord's defeat.
Not to mention that Ron understands that once he divulges this
secret, it's no longer his to keep. Strategically speaking, that
is not a wise move. Even Dumbledore kept everything a secret,
including Snape's position and the Horcruxes. If the wrong person
knew, then it would all be undone. And in the wizarding world,
there are plenty of people who can enter your mind and steal your
secrets. And unlike Ron, his potential allies don't share the
Entity's protection. Also, Ron doesn't really know much about the
war. He has no idea when it starts, or how the Dark Lord will
return. He has no idea who is on whose side. He doesn't even know
how powerful the Dark Lord really is. What Ron does know is that
the people who need to be prepared, already know about the Dark
Lord still being alive. Telling Daphne doesn't make sense to Ron,
who is a person that is obsessed with having the upper hand and
being prepared. Telling people around him, despite them being his
friends, puts Ron's own plans in danger. He likes Daphne, but not
so much that he'll risk Fred's life with her.
Let me know your thought,
TheTrueSpartan
May 5Not traumatized like Harry?
Sorry, I didn't mean physically traumatized (with all those Veelas, or the Philosopher's Stone experience, and everything), but specifically in this case Harry's obsessive tendency to keep secrets and never to rely on adults was being explained by his traumatic experience with Dursleys, who taught him well never to rely on adults. Ron never had it that bad. His childhood was not idyllic (and kudos for that), but it was never that bad and besides he lived with his siblings, who (to some degree, some of them) were helping and living together with him. Just the common sense would call him to go and talk with Dumbledore as he repeatedly asked him to come.
Not to mention that Ron understands that once he divulges this secret, it's no longer his to keep.
Yes, that's called sharing with friends. By having Ron this much control freak, you are making him exactly into the disgusting jerk I started this thread with.
Even Dumbledore kept everything a secret, including Snape's position and the Horcruxes.
And how well it worked for him? Isn't the whole point of all bashing!Dumbledore stories (and even I don't agree with bashing anybody, they have their point in his criticism) how crazy was Dumbledore for keeping everything within and not sharing with anybody?
May 5Hello mcepl,
Yes, that's called sharing with friends. By having Ron this
much control freak, you are making him exactly into the
disgusting j*** I started this thread with.
I do understand how you would feel that way, because that is a character flaw of Ron's. He's a control freak, and Pomfrey's sessions with him will reveal that. Ron, due to seeing his brother's death, has an obsession with his family. That obsession has spread towards his friends too, and with his victories so far, he has the idea that he knows best. When I planned Ron's character, I always knew that he couldn't be a person that everyone liked. He couldn't be a Mary Sue, or Gary Stue in this case. That's why I've spent so long on character development for each character that wasn't featured prominently in the books. There are a few fans that don't like Ron, but there are also many fans that love him. (In this story, that is.) Ron however, despite his flaws, is not a bad person. He lies, and he keeps secrets, but he does that because he believes that he's doing the right thing. He also believes that the Entity will kill him if he tells anyone, which is a great motivation for lying. And despite all of his courage, he isn't brave enough to test that just yet. He's thirteen, and he lives under the constant threat of death. But if you dislike his character, or if he invokes any emotion in you, then I've written him well. Ron isn't beyond making mistakes, because the Canon!Ron wasn't above making mistakes. I hope there are other characters in my fic that you do like. Just because Ron is the MC doesn't mean that everyone should like him, that'd be boring.
And how well it worked for him? Isn't the whole point of all
bashing!Dumbledore stories (and even I don't agree with
bashing anybody, they have their point in his criticism) how
crazy was Dumbledore for keeping everything within and not
sharing with anybody?
Dumbledore himself believed that he shouldn't be trusted with power, and for good reason. His past showed that he was the type of person who made great errors in judgement, and despite his own admittance of that, people like Harry blindly followed him anyway. Dumbledore's plan had so many flaws, and it all worked out because of luck essentially. People like Snape were the real reason behind Harry's success, but even Snape did what he did because Dumbledore instructed him. Snape joined for Lily, but he stayed because Dumbledore was the only real player against Voldemort. The real reason those bashing!Dumbledore fics exist is because the people who wrote them disliked Dumbledore (which they have a right to do). But no one can deny that without Dumbledore's plans, Harry wouldn't have succeeded. Plus, he couldn't tell Harry everything considering that whenever Harry threw a tantrum, he let Voldemort look into his mind. That was why he ignored Harry in fifth year. Harry was a spy without even knowing it, so how could Dumbledore trust him fully?
Let me know your thoughts,
TheTrueSpartan
May 5I think there is a difference between non-Mary Sue and making him such, that I have been mostly skipping his POV parts recently, but I don't think you can do much about it, after writing so much in one style.
22h agoThank you for provoking me to think more thoroughly why I dislike this story so much. Not because it is poorly written, I've read probably hundred of poorly written stories and I've learned just to stop reading them. Your story is not poorly written, it is very well written. What bothers me really is the content, what you write about, not how. There is that theory of spiritual and moral development human development of every person by a psychotherapist M. Scott Peck (the book was called "The Road Less Traveled"), where he explains (more or less, it is more complicated) that everybody goes in his youth through different stages of the morality. The stage which in my opinion represents roughly 80+% of all fanfiction stories is The Third Stage which generally represents teenage years, the college years. People in this stage naturally oppose everything they've learned and they tend to align themselves with what's called moral inversion. They try to look at the alternative world what-if everything good is actually wrong and vice versa. So, the most trustworthy friendly and positive is deemed as the most evil (thus bashing of Dumbledore, Weasleys, Ron & Hermione spying on Harry for money, Ginny dousing Harry with love potion, etc.) and vice versa, whatever is evil is considered good (Snape is good, Malfoys are misunderstood, and even Voldemort/Lord Gaunt could be suddenly somehow positive).
Obviously you don't go to all these most stereotypical nonsense, you are too good writer on that. However, there is a lot of inversion going on here as well. Obviously, the most warm stable (some called him a closeted Hufflepuff) a bit lazy person, who can operate only as a part of a team and whose mouth runs a way too fast, is suddenly extremely driven, cold, manipulative Slytherin, who overslythers all his classmates who tries to befriend him, and who intentionally keeps himself distant from everybody. Cold and hateful Weasleys (on some levels), manipulative and distant Dumbledore, etc.
The point which is probably the most important and painful to me is the inversion of the free will. One of the most important message of whole Harry Potter universe is that our choices are the most important of all and that we are free to choose (which is obviously very important in the moral theory). Your story slowly but surely seems to be turning towards the exact opposite: Ron is completely manipulated and controlled by that evil Entity, and his choices actually don't matter that much. That's probably the most evil part of the story so far.
And it is possible, that your inversion inverts to something positive in the end, but then I have to say you could really use some editing and cut on your material, because we are now (counted by the number of chapters) somewhere towards the end of the Prisoner of Azkaban, and that's just bloody too long for the exposition.
If you see a lot of what I am talking about, find on YouTube series of clips "Barbara Hall on Joan of Arcadia" (yes, I was a big fan of that TV show, it is probably completely obsolete for most people now, it shows my age).
As they say, if you don't like it then just unsubscribe from the story, which is what I just did.
Best of luck!
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