Dodatky.

1 files changed, 17 insertions, 17 deletions

diff --git a/faith/ad_magical_love_affair.rst b/faith/ad_magical_love_affair.rst
index 4b8f617..8851c39 100644
--- a/faith/ad_magical_love_affair.rst
+++ b/faith/ad_magical_love_affair.rst
@@ -12,22 +12,22 @@ frustration for me. I think the general idea of Petunia and
 Severus crying over one another’s shoulder is a great. Both of 
 them are nicely complicated and somehow tragical persons, so they 
 provide great opportunity for writing a good story. Also, the 
-beginning of the story (Petunia waking in a bad mistaking Severus 
+beginning of the story (Petunia waking in a bed mistaking Severus 
 for her teddy bear) is great and actually pretty neatly written. 
 However, the moment they open their mouths, the execution falls 
 down completely, which is sad given this is mostly a dialogue 
 story. I see couple of reasons for this:
 
 1. Language. There is just no way how two teenagers under the 
-   influence whiskey both in the middle of mental breakdown talk 
-   to each other in the long multi-clause compound sentences using 
-   words like “albeit”. Get yourself a long swig of whiskey and 
-   before writing each sentence down, pronounce it loud. I think 
-   the only sentences you are allowed to use are something like 
-   “You broke her heart, you bastard!” and even that is too 
-   complicated. Runaway sentences, sentence fragments … those are 
-   structures you should prefer, not long complex statements you 
-   have.
+   influence of whiskey both in the middle of mental breakdown 
+   talk to each other in the long multi-clause compound sentences 
+   using words like “albeit”. Get yourself a long swig of whiskey 
+   and before writing each sentence down, pronounce it loud. 
+   I think the only sentences you are allowed to use are 
+   something like “You broke her heart, you bastard!” and even 
+   that is too complicated. Runaway sentences, sentence fragments 
+   … those are structures you should prefer, not long complex 
+   statements you have.
 
    I know that English is probably not your native language, 
    neither it is mine (hello from Prague!), but English really 
@@ -59,13 +59,13 @@ story. I see couple of reasons for this:
    they would pour out their hearts to each other so easily. They 
    are generally horribly wounded and in result rather awful and 
    pathetic persons. Only through forgiveness and asking for it, 
-   they can find a way towards each other. At least for at least 
-   half of what you have written so far they should misunderstand 
-   each other, distrust each other, and they should be rather 
-   nasty to each other. Only in the last two chapters (when they 
-   fight about their attitude towards Lilly) they begin to be at 
-   least slightly believable (ignoring horribly convoluted 
-   language, see 1.) Which relates to
+   they can find a way towards each other. At least for half of 
+   what you have written so far they should misunderstand each 
+   other, distrust each other, and they should be rather nasty to 
+   each other. Only in the last two chapters (when they fight 
+   about their attitude towards Lilly) they begin to be at least 
+   slightly believable (ignoring horribly convoluted language, 
+   see 1.) Which relates to
 
 3. Show, don’t tell. Again, I don’t believe that so broken and 
    damaged teenagers would be capable of so deep introspection