Updates on the Artistotle’s Unities.

1 files changed, 12 insertions, 10 deletions

diff --git a/faith/aristotle-unities.rst b/faith/aristotle-unities.rst
index bd98ebf..ef600f7 100644
--- a/faith/aristotle-unities.rst
+++ b/faith/aristotle-unities.rst
@@ -347,7 +347,8 @@ serialized writing of the story, but sometimes it feels like
 author tried couple of times to achieve some idea, or sometimes 
 perhaps he just started subplot which didn’t lead anywhere so it 
 just stands there alone (Harry meets Dudley in an amusement park, 
-just what purpose that chapter was meant to serve?).
+just what Aristotle’s “visible difference” that chapter was meant 
+to make?).
 
 Much bigger problem in my opinion is that again the author didn’t 
 manage to keep focus on his main story. Until the end of the 
@@ -378,14 +379,14 @@ there are plenty of smaller stories which are completely
 unrelated to the main one. Some of them would work very well as 
 independent stories. For example, in the first part of the 
 Chapter 75, Edward Grayson cuts through the jungle to find 
-a muggle-born wizard, which could (and should) very well stand 
-out on its own as a single-shot. If Professor McGonagall thinks 
-her task to inform muggle-borns is difficult, then she should try   
-to find her muggle-borns in the jungle of South America with 
-machete, tropic helmet and all that jazz. It could be a lovely 
-one-shot even better because of its non-European location, which 
-is so rare, but I wonder whether it contributes anything good to 
-the main story of the Animagus.
+a muggle-born wizard in the local native tribe, which could (and 
+should) very well stand out on its own as a single-shot. If 
+Professor McGonagall thinks her task to inform muggle-borns is 
+difficult, then she should try to find her muggle-borns in the 
+jungle of South America with machete, tropic helmet and all that 
+jazz. It could be a lovely one-shot even better because of its 
+non-European location, which is so rare, but I wonder whether it 
+contributes anything good to the main story of the Animagus.
 
 Another similarly problematic story is the chapter 83, “The 
 Battle of Gisenyi”. Again, it is perfectly written short story of 
@@ -437,7 +438,8 @@ It just doesn't work well together.
 So, for example, Draco’s subplot of discovery of true character 
 of his family in history is perfectly in line with the Stalky 
 & Co., Edward Greyson in the Amazonian jungle or Barty Crouch jr. 
-flattering La Panthera are too much.
+flattering La Panthera in the Mayan temple are too much in my 
+opinion.
 
 Also, on slightly unrelated and more personal point, I don't like 
 to see the story from the point of view of Voldermort & Co. (or