Horcruxes and Unhappy Dark Lord
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:date: 2021-04-29T23:15:46
:category: literature
:tags: storyPrompt, harryPotter, blogComment, plotBunny

Originally published as “`Quest for Immortality by the Unhappy
Dark Lord`_” on Reddit.

.. _`Quest for Immortality by the Unhappy Dark Lord`:
   https://www.reddit.com/r/HPfanfiction/comments/n1e9pm/quest_for_immortality_by_the_unhappy_dark_lord/

I was thinking about this very unhappy adept for the Dark
Lordship, Tom Riddle:

1. Hufflepuff’s Cup — while Tom Riddle was still travelling after
   leaving Borgin and Burkes, and he considered dropping it into
   `The Mariana Trench`_ as the safest place to be. Safe it was,
   but the diary was squashed by the weight of the water (15,750
   psi, 1107.33 kg/cm², 10 kilometres depth), a ton on each
   square centimetre was just too much even for the magical
   protections on the cup.

2. Diary — while still travelling he left it in the middle of the
   Sahara desert, specifically at Reggane_ … surely, nobody would
   find one small book in the middle of Sahara!; which
   unfortunately was the place of French Nuclear tests in 1960
   completely evaporating it.

3. Marvolo Gaunt’s Ring — left in the Gaunt’s shack, which was
   a miserable ruin with an unknown owner (Gaunts didn’t bother
   to register their ownership in the Muggle land registry). So,
   when Muggles were building a motorway pass, it was silently
   eliminated (better to ask for forgiveness than permission).
   A hundred metric ton bulldozer_ was not impressed by few
   slithering snakes and run through wards over the shack without
   even noticing them. The ring in the box was later found by
   a construction worker, who was immediately killed by the
   curse. After even the emergency doctor, who was investigating
   the incident, has been killed, the company decided to cover up
   the whole disaster, and threw the ring (holding it in the
   protective cover) into a blast furnace, which quickly overcame
   all Horcrux protections and it was destroyed.

4. Slytherin’s locket — he left it in the cave near the sea and
   it was salvaged by Regulus Black. Kreacher was not clueless,
   he asked for help His Mistress (a bit of elvish sophistry
   … when she is dead, she is not a member of the family any
   more, so he could tell her whatever he needed) and found
   a book in the Black Library, and after learning how to, he
   made a trip to Rockall_ and using Fiendfyre.

5. Ravenclaw diadem — it was left in the Room of Hidden Things,
   and later found by Winky, who was cleaning up all things left
   in the castle by her now-imprisoned young Master, Barty Crouch
   Jr., when he was still nineteen, but excessively smart and
   planning for DADA Mastery. While looking for some lost stuff
   in the Room, she found an excessively Dark magical object. She
   knew that her young Master would like to preserve it, so she
   travelled with it for him to Azkaban (wards didn’t stop the
   elf’s apparition), but she was attacked there by Dementors. In
   a panic, she dropped the diadem, apparated away, and the
   horcrux was immediately sucked dry by a Dementor savouring
   extra Dark piece of soul.

6. Harry’s piece of soul — Dumbledore was not an idiot, even
   without knowing what it was exactly, before Harry was
   deposited with Dursleys, Dumbledore scraped out an unknown
   piece of Dark Magic matter in Harry’s head, while it was still
   fresh and it still didn’t take a root in his skull. It went
   out easily and without the support of anything living died on
   the pavement of Privet Drive, Surrey.

So, when Harry got to Hogwarts in September 1991, there were no
Horcruxes remaining and Harry had wonderful seven years of study,
where the most memorable events of his life were his Quidditch
victories and his first date with `${somegirl}`.

.. _`The Mariana Trench`:
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariana_Trench

.. _Reggane:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reggane

.. _bulldozer:
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caterpillar_D11

.. _Rockall:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockall