Soul bonds and arranged marriages
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:date: 2022-06-16
:category: faith
:tags: review, harryPotter, blogComment
 
Comment on the Reddit thread “`Soul bonding fics with depth?`_”
by ZappyFence discussing “`Error of Soul`_” by Materia-Blade)

> Can you elaborate? As someone who read it, I'm still not sure
> what people mean when they say this.

In the end every soul-bond fanfiction story is a story of
imposed/unintended relationship.

We, here in Europe (and consequently in America, and from that
via Hollywood to the whole world), are persuaded under the
influence of our individualism (and perhaps the Romantic movement
of the early 19th century) that the best reason why to build
a life-long marriage is mutual infatuation with each other, and
that the best spouse anybody can find is the one which we find on
our own in strict isolation from anybody else.

The often quoted claim (which certainly originally was `not by
Albert Einstein`_) “The definition of insanity is doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” (or
I like the alternative formulation of the same thought: “If you
always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve
always gotten.”). Insisting on this individualistic romantic love
as a foundation of marriage, despite almost half of marriages
ending in divorce, says something about the collective insanity
of our civilization.

It wasn’t always so and what’s even more interesting, not
everybody hated it. I am a Czech (a man, if it matters), and
I live in Prague, but I attend an English-speaking international
church here, so I have friends from all over the world. I have
been haunted for long time by talk I had with a slightly
distraught and sad lady in her twenties, who was from India
(somewhere around Pune). She was sharing how sad and depressed
she was: not only from the general homesickness and insecurities
of life abroad, but also, how she put it, that she would like to
find a boyfriend and she misses help of her parents in looking
for him. That actually stunned me: it doesn’t have to be either
the fight with a marriage arranged by Lady Catherine de Bourgh
and her total domination, or clear individualism and everybody
only for themselves, it could be cooperation and family helping
one of its members.

I think better soul-bond stories could investigate this issue.
The book by the Christian missionary Walter Trobisch “`I loved
a girl`_” (highly recommended) cites an African wife who said
“You, Europeans, put a hot pot with a stew on cold table and hope
it will stay hot as long as possible; we put a cold pot on stove
and it will heat up”. And that’s the perennial question about
what makes a good marriage: compatibility of spouses or their
willingness to work on their relationship? What’s more important?
I have been married for over quarter of century, and I still
don’t know the answer to this question.

Could Harry and Hermione in this situation just sit down and
decide, that they didn’t want to be together, but now when they
have to be, could they make their marriage work? Could they be
happy together nevertheless?

I think it would make a great story, but I am not able to write
it and I would prefer if it was written by somebody from
a culture where arranged marriages are still common.

.. _`Soul bonding fics with depth?`:
    https://www.reddit.com/r/HPfanfiction/comments/vcwxmc/soul_bonding_fics_with_depth/

.. _`Error of Soul`:
    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8490518/2/Error-of-Soul

.. _`not by Albert Einstein`:
    https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/03/23/same/

.. _`I loved a girl`:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1931475016